How to Give a Eulogy - 5 Ways to Get Through It

When someone we love dies, it's hard to think of what to say. 

Especially if we've known them for a long time. How do you sum up all of what made the person special to you in just a few minutes? It may feel like you could never do justice to the person's impact on the world. Add to that the fear of public speaking, especially when you feel so vulnerable- and you may want to skip giving your speech altogether.

However if you choose to stay silent, you may regret it for the rest of your life. 

I was too sad and too afraid to speak up at the memorial of someone I loved - and I certainly regretted it. Thankfully years later, I was able to deliver a eulogy at my Toastmasters club. Even though no one there knew the person I loved, I found it to be very healing to share what she meant to me.

Here are a few tips I learned that helped me prepare a speech in memory of a loved one that has passed on.

1. Make notes. 

It's natural for our minds to be bombarded with vivid memories when a friend or relative passes away. Take time to write down some notes at this time - even if it's just point form, so you can revisit the memories again when they aren't as strong. 

2. Personal stories. 

A person is so much more than a list of jobs and accomplishments. It can be very comforting for surviving family and friends to hear how the person impacted you when they were alive. What did they do or say that was most meaningful to you? Funny, quirky stories are especially memorable and help lighten the mood. 

3. Keep it short. 

Two to three minutes. You won't be able to say everything, so choose just one or two anecdotes. This leaves time so that everyone who wants to has a chance to speak and also reduces the pressure you may be feeling. Try to end on a positive note.

4. Practice. 

You are likely to have an emotional reaction to sharing your memories of the person that died. If you don't practice, there's a risk you will be crying so much that you don't make it through your speech. If possible, practice with a friend or loved one who can listen and comfort you too. 

5. Breathe. 

When it's time to deliver your speech, take a deep breath before beginning. If you get "choked up", take a moment to breathe and collect yourself before continuing. It's better than trying to talk over your tears. 

If you are thinking about backing out of speaking at a funeral or memorial: don't. Someone out there needs to hear what you have to say. Your words have the power to heal.